I'm Nuts About You - Chocolate Penis Gift

I’m Nuts About You - Chocolate Penis Gift

Roses are overrated, teddy bears are boring, and jewelry is too damn expensive. If you really want to send a message this Valentine’s Day (or any day), nothing says “I love you” and “I’m an asshole” at the same time quite like a solid chocolate dick. Yes, this is a 5-inch milk chocolate penis – handcrafted, ethically sourced, and ready to ship right into someone’s life to make them laugh, blush, or question their friendship with you.

This isn’t a gag gift you pick up at some shady gas station. This dick is gourmet. It’s made from Ecuadorian cacao beans, ground and crafted in Southern California, then poured into the most inappropriate mold imaginable. It’s sweet, delicious, and offensive all in one bite.

👉 Stop sending boring chocolates. Send a chocolate dick and watch the meltdown (or the moans) unfold.

Why You Actually Need This

Because everyone gives candy. But not everyone gives dick candy. This is the kind of Valentine’s prank that’s both funny and edible. It’s a roast and a gift at the same time. The best part? It’s shipped 100% anonymously, so the recipient will never know if it was you, their ex, or some secret admirer with balls of steel.

Imagine their face when they open the box expecting a heart-shaped box of truffles… only to find a veiny chocolate cock staring back at them. Comedy gold.

Picture the Scene

It’s Valentine’s Day. Your roommate, best friend, or partner gets a delivery. They tear open the package thinking they scored fancy chocolates. Instead - BOOM - there’s a solid chocolate penis staring back at them in a cute little Valentine’s Day box.

One reviewer said: “My girlfriend opened this and laughed so hard she nearly dropped it. Then she ate it. She said it was the best chocolate she’s had in years.” Another wrote: “Perfect gag gift for my best friend’s birthday. Everyone at the party was crying with laughter. Bonus - it actually tastes amazing.”

This isn’t just a prank. It’s dessert with a dick joke attached.

What Makes This Chocolate Dick Legendary

• Solid 5-inch milk chocolate penis – not hollow, not flimsy, just pure chocolate dick.
• Made from ethically sourced Ecuadorian cacao beans – so you can feel smug while being inappropriate.
• Hand-crafted in Southern California – artisan cock candy.
• Packaged in a Valentine’s Day box – classy presentation, trashy contents.
• Shipped 100% anonymously – no one knows it was you (unless you brag).

Don’t Be a Lame Gift Giver

You could give regular chocolates. You could give a boring gift card. But are those going to have people crying with laughter and Snapchatting your gift to their entire contact list? Hell no.

This is more than a gag gift. It’s a power move. The I’m Nuts About You chocolate dick is perfect for Valentine’s Day, anniversaries, bachelorette parties, birthdays, or just because you’re a chaotic little shit who loves to stir the pot.

👉 Click “Add to Cart,” send the chocolate penis, and make sure your gift is the one they’ll never forget (or unsee).

IMPORTANT: Make sure you actually put your recipient’s name and address in the shipping option. Otherwise it’s you that ends up with the bag of dicks, albeit deservedly.

**Recipient and purchaser must be 18 years of age or older**

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